| Risk: Sailing off the Edge of the Page |
| Tuesday, 17 November 2009 |
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Taking risks. Moving outside the four edges of the page. Taking a gamble that the world is in fact round. That I won’t sail off the edge of the screen even though it certainly feels like that to me. Canadian graphic novelist, Von Allan, just released his first book entitled the road to god knows…. Over the last few weeks, we have talked via email about taking risks. He told me, “Risk taking for me isn’t the work itself. Risk is deciding to even try to do any of the work at all.” Von’s thoughts so clearly capture the fits and starts of staying seated at my desk every day. Writing is easy. It’s starting to write that sends me into a spiral. I imagine that today—today I will not be able to do it. Today I will not be able to string the words together. Today I will fail. I am frequently told to write full-length plays—encouraged to put the one-act form on the back burner. Ironically, risk taking for me is to stay the course. Risk is my commitment to write within the format that speaks to me regardless of the production possibilities. Disapproving glances and sighs have been known to come my way. I asked Von is he’s ever been rebuffed for taking risks, “I think that’s part of the reality of being an artist. Not everyone likes my art, not everyone likes what I have to say through my art. I’ve been told, at various times, to give up.” There are those days when I’ve decided to take the step to write today, and can take the risk of committing to my form and story, but then I begin to feel a slow creep up my spine. A chill settles in across my shoulders. I often reach for my favorite tattered green sweatshirt. I shrug off the shiver; pretend I don’t feel the dull ache forming at the base of my head. I am afraid. On those days, I often reach for my percolator box and cull through art magazines, photos and trinkets. I look not for inspiration but for meditation. Then, when I’m almost asleep, I type. I asked Von how he approaches the inevitable anxiety and fear that accompany risk. He said, “Not knowing how something will turn out is a scary thing, I think. But that's what risk is all about. There's a great quote I like from Eddie Rickenbacker, the World War I fighter pilot. He said, 'Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.' I think that really, really sums it up. So, from a certain point of view making art, trying to create stories, and whatnot, there's always fear. It's a manageable fear and it's important to place it.” Von’s work is beautiful – both his illustrations and his storytelling are both lovely and edgy. His comments on process, and the work itself, hold up a lantern next to my own making it easier to see in the dark. To see risks worth taking. I posted Von’s final quote above my desk, “It's also important to make sure that fear doesn't define you. If that happens, then you don't try anything at all. The risk always outweighs the wonders of what could be.” |
